Wednesday, August 25, 2010

longing and desire

Commerce feeds on our dissatisfaction and through clever marketing we are constantly filled will longing and desire for something other than that which we are, have, where we are.

Advertisers will have us believe that our longing and desire can be fulfilled if we just go out and buy this gadget or that dress. So we rush from purchase to purchase in the pursuit of … happiness?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To think is not an easy pastime or a pastime without risk and danger.
To think is not to quote the internet but to try to find unique and original thoughts that are informed by each persons own experiences and areas of knowledge.
To think is to try to set aside emotional bias or beliefs that are founded in childhood memories.
To think is not to be politically correct but to start from a mutual understanding that opinions will differ and not one will ever be proven to be 100% correct.
Thinking cannot always be sweetly polite as opinions need to be tested rigorously and without fear of stepping on somebody’s toes.
To question is not too judge, but to try to expand understanding
To disagree is also not to judge, but merely to disagree.

A thinker, who allows their brain to wonder as it will; allows it to make new and surprising connections, confirming with each bit of new knowledge, not that he/she is closer to knowing everything, but a small step further away.

In thinking you do not close or complete knowledge, but open doors to ever wider horizons.

innocence and wisdom

Interesting that we always believe that children have the answer they are cute, cuddly, innocent but they don't have the answers. Just a few hours ago I wrote the following...

I catch myself, now that I can understand the wishes, I am judging them. Life is a constant learning curve; there I was thinking I had acquired all sorts of wisdom on my journey, but now discover that to be non-judgmental when one understands nothing is easy, to be non-judgmental when you understand everything is a far more difficult task...

Children have no means with which to judge ,their innocence is just that, innocence wisdom is another matter altogether

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The unbearable lightness of being

I enjoyed the film but never quite understood why the lightness of being was unbearable.
I thought the male character was unbearably lightweight but I am not sure that this what the author meant by the title.

Then, with an early morning storm that roared across the rooftops like a runaway train, I awoke to the thought that the lightness of being is a global malaise which is becoming unbearable for many.

More and more of our time is taken up with online networking, social networks and chat rooms. We gather friends like pebbles on a beach. Four thousand friends? Who has the time for four thousand friends, four friends perhaps but four thousand? These are not friends; these are passers-by in the parade of life with whom we share the sweet crumbs of our lives.

We are attracted to photographs and sound bites; we flirt in chat rooms, fall in love over the airwaves and then try to conduct love affairs with sms and telephone conversations. In doing this we send and receive half understood messages into which we read our own fantasies and desires. With online friends we twitter, tweet, sms and skype our way through one sentence conversations in which the reality is never touched. As paid-up members of the ‘fun generation’ we share only the smiley happy moments, the achievement moments, the cool hip and happening moments. But we never share the reality that for most of our lives we live in the quiet moments, the 3am panic moments, the in-between moments, the slightly sad and lonely moments. But who wants to know, who cares and in the flood of one-liners who has the time?

I think the lightness of being of the ‘fun generation’ is becoming unbearable because we forget that in the digital world our sense of smell, of touch, our aura, a subtle change of tone, a shared glance and the moments of instant unspoken understanding can only discovered when a person is with you in the flesh. But in our insane need to be always in touch we have dragged our fleeting online form of communication into our real lives. We are never fully connected to each other, but always fully connected to the web. The conversations we have with the friends across the table are never interesting enough to stop us from interrupting them with conversations from across the airwaves. We live forever in the hope of finding, doing, hearing something better and more exciting. Like children at a funfair, we run from ride to ride chasing new thrills and never have the time to sit down and really connect.

The internet and the social networking sites have become a sad stand-in for the dinner table or older still, the camp fire around which, through slow conversations and long silences, we used to gather meaningful insights into our friends and fellow man.
It seems to me we are trying to keep the camp fire burning by feeding it with twigs and grass straws which, like the tiny details of our lives, we keep throwing into the flames and watch as they vanish without creating any light or warmth. We are becoming lightweight fluffy people who no longer have the emotional strength to chop through the undergrowth to find the giant log that will keep the campfire burning all night and which will still be around to heat the coffee in the grey chill of morning.

Ultimately the unbearable lightness of being lies in the fact that this form of interaction is most suited to the fluffy people of the world who with their great talent for meaningless chatter are leading society in a merry dance of glitter balls and candy floss. We never delve deeply into each others minds. Never take the time to explore another reality. I think each of our minds is universe of possibilities and through our lightness of being we are exploring those universes by using bottle tops instead of the finest telescope.

I think that just like the slow food revolution was a reaction to fast food, the world is ready for a deep thought, long talk revolution in response to all the shallow chatter.



All paintings, writing, designs, photographs and concepts on this site

copyright ©Annette Jahnel 1996-2010

Friday, October 9, 2009

RDP Houses and Renewable energy

Build power houses not just houses.

Redefine the concept of black economic empowerment - empower the poor by making them farmers of energy


South Africa faces several large problems, amongst them housing; job creation; steady income for unskilled people; water and energy shortages.
I believe that the RDP house can go a long way to addressing all these problems.

The Human settlements portfolio is the government portfolio in South Africa that can change the way people think about their house, their energy use and their means of accessing an income.

The RDP house could be the instrument that finally delivers black economic empowerment to those who have so far been excluded.


The world today


The age of Renewable Energy Technology is ready step onto the world stage, and it will be the lead actor for decades to come. Renewable Energy Technology will be the biggest and fastest generator of jobs seen in decades. The nations that make developing Renewable Energy Technology their top priority now; will be the leaders of tomorrow.

Africa has a tremendous advantage in this field precisely because it is energy poor. Before the start of the IT age it was commonly believed that Africa would never catch up with the technology of the West. With the arrival of wireless technology Africa didn’t need to catch up, but within ten years simply leapfrogged into a future that it took the developed world decades to reach. Today Africa is in the same position to leapfrog over the dirty, unsustainable, polluting energy technology of the developed world and become energy rich without further disturbing the balance of nature.

Africa does not yet have the massive investment in dirty energy, it does not have the outdated energy grids it doesn’t have even a small percentage of the coal burning plants it needs to bring energy to all Africans. This is a blessing in disguise as investment in the development and creation of clean energy could become a major new industry in Africa; providing not just clean energy but clean jobs. Unlike the politicians of developed nations the leaders of Africa do not have to convince their voters to move from old and comfortable dirty energy to clean sustainable energy in order to prevent a future of climatic chaos. African leaders can justify the implementation of completely innovative energy technology with immediate human need.



South Africa and energy

In the 1998 South African White Paper on Energy the then minister said that the energy policy ‘did not intend to reinvent the wheel’. Eleven years on we have discovered that the wheel is central to the planets climatic problems and reinventing it or throwing it out altogether is very much part of the energy policy of the developed world. In the ‘White Paper’ I came across the following statement. “We must open our economy to global industries, and by supplying cheap efficient energy we can do so”.

Yes, quite right, but in the context of today’s thinking so very wrong. Of course global industries are looking at South Africans ample supply of cheap energy in combination with its easy come easy go environmental policies with delight- South Africa is 14th in the world for CO2 emissions and its energy use to production ratio places South Africa 10th in the world for inefficient energy use. For a small, sparsely populated country where 40% of the population is not yet linked to the national grid these figures are shocking.

The biggest hurdle in getting South Africa to fully embrace new energy technology is its massive coal resource –South Africa is the fourth largest hard coal exporter in the world- these exports earn a massive part of the annual budget- and are very difficult thing to imagine the country doing without. But the fixation with monetary cost - as it is understood today- prevents decision makers from seeing that clean air, clean water and every other environmental thing that dirty energy impacts on will all be hard costs that will have to be factored into every energy budget in the very near future. In that context it would not be far fetched to state that; within 20 years from now the fully factored cost of energy from fossil fuels will be so high that South Africa’s coal will no longer be the cheapest but most expensive fuel on the planet. It is not inconceivable that producing energy from any fossil fuel will be outlawed or morally condemned- much like whaling is today- and global communities will enforce sanctions on any industry or country that insist on using them. In 2008 EU passed new coal standards that could see that lucrative market close for South African coal.

Giant corporations whose core function is to burn fossil fuels to provide energy are floating a host of new ideas including ‘clean coal’ –the storage of CO2 underground the drilling and burning of coal underground and scrubbing the emissions. All these are but stopgap measures. They remind me of the last days of the National Party. They knew it was all over bar the shouting but continued to try new and unsustainable ideas. In the end to no avail, the writing was on the wall, as it is with energy.

ESKOM /NERSA

The centralised utility builds on demand and there seems to be no forward planning to include renewable energies. From investigation it is clear that there is no desire to decentralise energy production.

In trying finding out how the big players in South Africa are planning for the future I sent a few questions to ESKOM. Their full reply can be read on my blog.

What is the current capped buy back rate the ESKOM is obliged to pay independent producers of renewable energy?

The National Energy Regulator (NERSA) has published various feed-in tariffs for renewable energy technologies above 1 MW and I invite you to go to their website to look at these rates. They have recently indicated that they will look at technologies below 1MW in the coming year. However what NERSA still has to do is publish the process by which suppliers will be selected and what the power purchase agreements will look like. They also have to finalise the mechanism by which the costs associated with these purchases will be translated into the overall tariff that an end consumer will pay.

What percentage of ESKOM's energy comes from independent renewable energy producers?

Currently there are no South African renewable independent power producers that Eskom purchases from. The Darling Wind farm has an agreement with the City of Cape Town. Eskom does have an agreement with HCB for power from the Cahora Bhassa dam. Currently that supplies up to 1500MW. Eskom has its own hydro generation power stations (up to 2000MW).

Why does the government/ESKOM feel it is necessary to have a competitive bidding process when this has been proven to be a system far inferior to that of a 'feed in' system without a bidding process?

The Department of Energy has published new regulations on the development of a country energy plan and the process that needs to be followed for procuring of energy from independent power producers. The implementation plan for this process is not yet clear and I am sure the Department of Energy will share more detail on how it sees this unfolding.


Why is there a resistance within government and EKSOM to decentralise energy production when this is a clear global trend?


I can not comment at this stage how the market structure for Electricity supply will evolve and I think one has to ask the Department of Energy for that view. It is clear that there are many views in Government, industry and the customer base. Currently the stated view from Government is the creation of 6 regional electricity distributors, the introduction of IPPs up to 30% of new generation capacity and the creation of some sort of Independent System Operator.

Is ESKOM planning for a future where no fossil fuels will be used for energy production?


Eskom is looking at how to deal with capping emissions and bringing it down and has developed certain strategies. Some of the solutions do include diversification from coal based generation sources to renewable and nuclear energy. However there has to be a country level discussion on these choices, who should undertake this work and how to fund the work. We are hoping that the Integrated Resource Plan due to be published by the Ministry of Energy in the coming month as recently stated by the Minister of Energy will start to share the details on the possible pathway to lower emissions future.

Is a symbiotic relationship with independent energy producer’s part of ESKOMS short term business plan?

Eskom has stated clearly that it welcomes IPPs as it diversifies the source of capital, introduces new skills and technologies and allows benchmarking. Eskom has also stated that the tariffs need to be structured to clearly account for the introduction of IPPs and separate that from the costs of Eskom.

From the above it is clear that all that there is a lot of buck passing and not much has been done to advance the production of renewable energies but talk.

But the most telling response from Eskom is the questions left unanswered;

Does South Africa have the technology to introduce a 'feed in' system from small scale independent renewable energy farmers?

Is ESKOM planning for a future where it will supply energy off grid?

Is ESKOM planning for a future where its role will shift from energy producer to energy distributor?



From the above it is clear that all that there is a lot of buck passing and not much has been done to advance the production of renewable energies but talk.


In South Africa ESKOM sits in the comfortable position of being the only player in energy supply of any note in Africa and today is on the receiving end of a 5 billion pound World Bank loan to build six new power stations. Also an additional R150 billion is earmarked for the upgrade of old power plants. With this financial muscle supporting the coal burning industry there is no real motivation to change the way they do business or produce energy today or think about how they will do business in the future. This short sighted view will cost the country dearly. The energy prices will rise again to pay back the loans and to fuel the power stations with increasingly expensive coal. The poorest in their RDP houses will pay an increasing percentage of their meagre income just to run their lights and heating; BEE fails again.



But imagine if some of these billions were diverted to solar power, wind power and updating the national grid to allow for small energy producers to feed in energy. What if energy was an open trade commodity allowing small energy farmers to produce energy for their own use and sell the surplus energy to the national grid thereby gaining direct benefits. These are exciting possibilities and are already in existence in Germany where a government ruling obliges the national energy suppliers to buy energy at a set rate from all who produce energy from renewable resources. This has seen Germany become one of the world’s biggest solar power producers; this is country that is not known for its sunny skies. The most exciting part of this is that many people are making a profit from their solar energy, turning what was just an ecologically friendly thing to do into a form of sustainable income. The city of Freiberg is one of the most successful examples of this system. Link at end of article.

Besides the entrenched thinking of ESKOM in South Africa the dramatic move to new energy insights is also being hampered by committees. There are the NERSA and ESKOM, NGO’s, PPD and a whole host of players all trying to bend the rules to suit their bottom line best.

To quote General Electric Chairman in Jeffery Immelt ‘What doesn’t exist today in the energy business is the hand of God ‘and to paraphrase the author Thomas L Friedman - oh to be China just for one day-to have the ability of the current leaders of China to simply cut through all their legacy industries, all the pleading special interest groups ,all the bureaucratic obstacles ,all the worries of voter backlash and simply put a top down order in to make the massive changes that our current energy and global warming crisis requires. Changes that will make people wring their hands for a few days and then simply accept the new status quo and move forward

The greatest leaps in technology were not made by committees but by single imaginative and courageous men.

The days of fossil fuel produced energy are drawing to a close. I believe my twenty year estimate is very conservative. In the early 1980’s the World Wide Web was but four computers linked together on the West coast of America. This was a computer communications network only for the use of very highly qualified technicians. Fax machine were the seventh wonder of the world, Cell phones did not exist and wireless was something you listened to the daily news on. Today a world without surfing the web is inconceivable. With energy the shift - once it starts - will be as dramatic. Already there is technology available that would be able to provide all the planets’ energy needs from clean renewable energies. The moment of decisive action is now, don’t be the one who looks back and says ‘if only


The RDP house

In a world where Renewable Energy Technology will soon become central to all thinking, the house should not be seen as just a basic social requirement, but central to the fiscal growth of a country. I believe the house of the future will be the catalyst for all the energy advances that we will make in the next decades and will sweep away thinking that we believe is entrenched and unchangeable.

The chronic housing shortage in South Africa combined with government commitment and control over the building of these houses -and the governments stated aim to provide affordable energy to poverty stricken and rural households- makes the South African RDP house potentially the greatest nursery for clean Renewable Energy Technology in the world. Never has a government been presented with such an opportunity to promote and fund Renewable Energy

Kuyasa project http://www.iclei-europe.org/index.php?id=kuyasa

At the northern fringe of the sprawling Kayelitsha township outside Cape Town a project is proving how a small addition of convenience and comfort can elevate the pride and hope of a community that allows them to take ownership of their houses, to make them homes and to turn their township into a close knit neighbourhood.

In the neighbourhood where the only ‘gold standard’ renewable energy project in Africa, Kuyasa is being piloted, laughing children run in the neat if haphazard streets. On the rooftops of these 2500 houses the sun is being harnessed to provide hot water to the households that until two years ago had to rely on boiling water with electrical energy or paraffin stoves. Now the sun provides the heat at no cost and with no power outages that the rest of the region is subjected to. The addition of solar geysers does not just represent a monetary saving for the households involved but a massive time saving and convenience that allows the households to spend time and effort on other projects. This has translated into people improving their houses by replacing doors and windows, adding rooms and car ports. There are hardly any backyard shacks to be seen, resulting in a township that has moved from simple shelter to neighbourly community.

My guide through this neighbourhood is visibly proud when I point out this very strong feeling of community. He is quick to tell me that that the addition of this energy saving devise has changed the atmosphere of the entire neighbourhood and that this neighbourhood is the envy of those surrounding it, not just because of the convenience of hot water, but also because of the security the resulting close-knit community has brought.

The NGO

In meeting with the NGO ‘South South North ’ who instigated the Kuyasa project I learn the difficulties of bringing sustainable energy to the people. While the housing policy includes sustainable development, it is difficult to put into practice - most people who struggle daily to put food on the table - the finer details of where their energy comes from does not concern them, until it hits their pocket. As the energy suppliers base all their decisions on demand; educating people about the possibilities of receiving free energy and even the possibility of earning an income from producing energy would be counter productive to those who control the production of energy. But without education the demand will never arise.

It this oppressive atmosphere it has taken 5 years to get the project registered and productive, after 5 years 2500 units are in place. Considering the huge advantages that are lost this is far too slow.

The builders

While certain improvements in specifications have been made since the first RDP houses were built, the specifications of the current RDP house are basic in the extreme. When submitting a tender the consideration is only about landed costs. There is no incentive to build more energy efficient houses .The recipients of the houses are insufficiently aware of the long term advantage of living in an energy efficient house so no demand is made. But once the people do install their own eclectic geysers and experience their first winter in their new houses they are then shocked to find the cost of electricity. Owning an RDP house built to the current standards places an added financial burden on the inhabitants not just because of the maintenance of the poorly built house but because the house is so energy hungry that it costs more to heat than their old shacks did. This is not just a huge cost too the inhabitants but also to the country.


The solution lies in the building specifications of the RDP house


With a simple mind shift that allows one to stop seeing RDP houses merely as low cost housing that must be constructed as quickly and cheaply as possible, to seeing these houses as potential energy farms , energy savers , income generators and finally as homes and stable communities.

In the face of the huge problem of just getting a roof over the head of every South African it is important not to loose sight of the day when every South African does have a roof but one that is barley adequate. It is important to visualize a future where water is a luxury, energy from fossil fuels outlawed and people are hampered by a constantly shrinking job market .Then, from this point of view, look back to where we are now and hopefully not have to say if only we did things differently from the beginning. To fix a thing after the fact is never as good or as inexpensive as too do it right from the beginning.

In 2008 the then Minister of Energy claimed that South Africa couldn’t supply the 100 000 solar heating systems they had planned for because South Africa doesn’t have the capacity to build them. With a change in RDP housing building specifications South Africa could enter into global partnerships with companies that already have done the technological spade work, but are waiting for a large investor to allow them to scale up and, with scale, bring prices down. Changing the building specifications could provide the incentive for investors to build the factories, create the jobs, and invest in the future.

The renewable energy race has only just started the future in clean energy has not yet been written. The Danish government is in the forefront of wind energy but their only distinction is that they are first. It doesn’t mean that they are the best or even right. Their technology it is based on a 7000 year old design – Chinese were using windmills to power their water pumps in 2000 BC- this is like using carrier pigeons to deliver our emails. There are hundreds of new designs that promise to be far superior to today’s solar panels and Denmark’s gigantic but inefficient wind turbines. Exciting new ideas such as solar paint are being explored. South Africa with it’s first world infrastructure , the knack of it’s people to be innovative thinkers , it’s culture of entrepreneurship and it’s intricate knowledge of low energy living conditions is perfectly positioned to be a world leader, innovator and exporter of renewable clean energy and clean energy systems. RDP Housing building specifications could be the catalyst that will spur technology through tax incentives, design competitions and the assurance that there is a market ready and waiting for the new energy creating devices

By turning the RDP houses into power houses, by demanding a passive ‘zero energy use’ standard (the house is designed as an energy producing unit which creates all its own energy) in the building specifications of the RDP house, these houses could instantly provide the scale needed to make new energy sources, new building methods and materials more cost effective than traditional brick and mortar, fossil fuelled houses. In a society that is not yet dependant on six electrical gadgets to shine its shoes and another four to brush its teeth, the concept of a zero energy use house is totally feasible with existing technology.

Future planning needs to include methods of sustainable income for those who might never enter the formal job market. With a change in building specifications the houses could become energy farms, by turning rooftops into solar fields. By doing this the government could not only provide free energy to these households, but the houses could sell back energy to the national grid, producing income for the RDP household or for the government ; thereby offsetting an initial increase in building costs. Energy farming is an ideal solution for the poor as they use little energy themselves and can feed in the bulk of their power during the daylight hours. A small battery can be charged for the energy requirements of the household at night. Thereby making it a win win situation for everybody. By integrating energy housing you can achieve not just shelter and stable society you can alleviate the growing energy crisis in the country and provide the poorest with a means of income.

The increase in building cost of the RDP housing energy unit should also been seen against the elimination of the need to build more power plants and electrical grids and the incalculable advantages for the health of the people and the planet. The high cost of installing solar energy is one that is much discussed and used as convenient excuse to continue using coal. However in the production of coal energy the cost and maintenance of the actual infrastructure is seldom mentioned or calculated into the price comparative. Looking to the future the price of fossil fuels will continue to rise. Solar energy prices are static once the infrastructure has been built and paid back there are some maintenance cost but no fuel costs. Coal might be cheap but the sun and wind are free. Given scale the start up costs of solar or wind energy will be a fraction of building a power plant.

With the use of renewable energy as a government standard, RDP developments that are planned in areas that are not yet connected to the national grid will not have to wait for this infrastructure. Renewable energy producers already exist that can provide all the energy requirements for a small community.


In the above argument I have not touched on the need to save water and the further possibility of sustainable income through the use of dry toilets but even these questions can be answered by changing the building specifications of RDP houses.

I believe the human settlements portfolio is the most important portfolio in South Africa and that by changing the specifications of the RDP house you can create houses that are heated and comfortable. Houses that supply their inhabitants with free energy and provide them with a source of income. You could provide industries with energy, save South Africans valuable water resource and turn our human waste into a sustainable nutritious totally ecologically friendly agricultural fertilizer

South African could leapfrog the world and become a leader in clean Renewable Energy Technology. Will you grab the chance?


In a nutshell

There are several pressing problems in South Africa today
Housing shortage
Job shortage
Energy shortage
Water shortage
Crime/lack of ownership

Set these problems against the government promise of
Houses for all
Affordable energy/free energy
Job creation/ sustainable income
Community shared ownership pride/decreased crime

The solution lies in the building specifications of the RDP house - by creating a building standard that aims at building the most energy efficient houses ,all these problems can be addressed. With the scale of the RDP housing project that is already planned and budgeted for. The new building standards could lay the foundation for new industry, international investment, sustainable income for unskilled labour and job creation.

All RDP houses should from now on comply with basic passive energy housing standards

All RDP houses should be fitted with solar geysers Photovoltaic cells that feed directly into the national grid from which the community gets paid for all excess energy it creates.

All houses should be fitted with dry toilets, excluding the need for expensive waste pipes and water and providing the community with another sustainable income generating product. Fertilizer from human waste.

All RDP houses to be fitted with rain water tanks and recycling grey water run-off systems.

All RDP houses / groups of houses to be built with sufficient garden area to allow inhabitants to produce a portion of their own vegetables

A percentage of building in the RDP zone to be specifically set aside for commerce

The manufacture of all building materials for the RDP housing development to built as close to the RDP centre as possible

Bicycle tracks to be laid out with bicycle parking.

For outlying areas not yet linked to the national grid alternative energy sources should be the first consideration. High altitude wind turbines for small rural communities already exist.


LINKS; There are thousands more but these provide an inspirational start.


Solar
http://www.solarregion.freiburg.de/solarregion/freiburg_solar_city.php

http://www.coolearthsolar.com/

http://news.cnet.com/8301-11128_3-10080034-54.html

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/01/solar_village_b.php


Human

http://www.drytoilet.org/

http://www.trematic.com/IMG/pdf/Dry_Toilet_in_Cambodia.pdf

http://www.drytoilet.org/dt2009/pdf/poster_Santosh_and_Jagar.pdf


Wind

http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/specials/climate_change/energy/Saharan_solar_project_moves_closer_to_reality.html?siteSect=22064&sid=10955825&cKey=1248936863000&ty=st&rs=yes

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2008/aug/03/renewableenergy.energy

http://gcaptain.com/maritime/blog/the-most-interesting-wind-turbine-designs/

http://peakenergy.blogspot.com/2008/01/alternative-wind-power-experiments.html

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Spit in your eye

Browsing the French morning paper over breakfast ,my attention was caught by a very unflattering close-up photograph of a woman’s mouth , her lips in a tight ‘O’ and her tongue cradling something brown. What !! Thought I; and on closer inspection discovered that the great annual French cherry-pip-spitting season had begun. This led me to musing about the human obsession with spit, spit spot, spit shine, spitting image , I spit in your eye and were I actually to do so, you would be so insulted that we would be duelling at dawn.

While it seems that most cultures frown at spitting, some do not. But before I venture down this path I must point out quite strongly that there is spitting and spitting. The spitting in central Asia and China involves deep sinus purging which is practiced so publicly and offensively that a large part of the Beijing pre-Olympic budget went into trying to convince the locals that public spitting is frowned upon in the West and - so as not to offend the foreign devils - would the Chinese please stop with the spitting already.

Spitting seems to be a national pastime in central Asia. It first struck me in Samarqand in Uzbekistan. Where suddenly I realised that the pavement was covered in the yellow oyster-like contents of the nations sinuses, which to me seemed somehow worse than dog pooh. This has got to be the most vile and disgusting habit known to man. With a loud sniff and guttural hawking the result of the horrific noise is then plop-splat expectorated onto the most convenient pavement. I can deal with many things but this was just one step beyond. I promtly stopped looking at the pavement; Samarqand is a good place to sort out those lingering posture problems.
In Urumuqi , China, the art of spitting is very well developed . My worst spit memory is that of a well dressed Chinese woman who in a fairly upmarket hotel felt the need to expectorate just before entering the elevator we were all waiting for. So this well groomed lady proceeded with the snarfing, the hawking and the spit into the ashtray, with precision that spoke of many years of experience. I was in a state of horrified shock.

As these memories overwhelmed me this morning I abandoned all hope of further nourishment . If you too are enjoying a meal at this point I do apologise; but I felt the spit obsession deserved some research and did a quick surf to see what the internet could tell me about humans and spit.

Typing in ' Why do humans spit?' Led me into areas of the internet inhabited by the semi-literate and foulmouthed . It also taught me that India rivals China in the love of public spitting. I discovered that most people find spitting an utterly repugnant habit but nowhere did I find why humans feel the need to spit in public . But it does seem to hang together with the acceptability or not of performing other unmentionables in public. The distinction must lie in levels of poverty and living space. The richer a nation the more it can afford clean public toilets, tissues ,handkerchiefs and other niceties that make living together more pleasant

Next I typed in ‘spitting and superstition ‘ as my mother brings from her north eastern German childhood strange quirks that make her believe that to admire ones hands brings bad luck, which is only dispelled if one quickly spits on them. Please remember that this type of spitting is a front of mouth, more air than liquid, variety. A form of spit that is also practised in the Greek culture where, after receiving a compliment it is considered wise to spit on your person- three times- to fend off the evil eye. Fisherman spit on their nets for the same reason and in the film ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ we are introduced to the strange Greek habit of spitting on the bride for good luck. I have visions of the Chinese doing this and … eurrgh there goes my appetite for lunch.

The business of spitting for good luck is also found in Africa amongst the Massai. The Massai are great believers in spitting for luck ,they will spit on children, on people they are pleased to see and on their hands before shaking hands to seal a promise - boys in the west still do this, despite the general cultural taboo of spitting- the explanation given for the Massai love of spitting is that they believe that when it rains god is spitting on earth. It follows therefore that to spit and be spat upon is a very good thing. So if you have a secret desire to spit or be spat upon a visit to the Massai of Africa will find you in good company.

Even the bible mentions spitting in two different contexts, that of shaming by spitting in someone’s face and blessing which is apparently something Jesus did by spitting on followers to heal and ward off evil spirits. Spitting is obviously a deeply imbedded human behaviour and ,as with most primitive human behaviour ,our overwhelming competitive drive kicks in even when spitting. When I asked my search engine to find spitting competitions the most purse lipped of all countries, America, came up tops for variety.

The watermelon pip spitting competition and the cherry pip spitting competitions are the most frequently practiced and the cherry spit has now claimed international status and is practiced as fervently in Europe as America ; it possibly even originates on the European continent . In Spain there is the olive pip spitting competition that draws no less than 25 000 spectators. There seems to be a great fascination with the distance an olive pip can be spat. While spitting pips might seem a fairly harmless thing to do, the dead cricket spitting competitions of America take spitting onto an altogether more bizarre plain. The competition rules require that competitors place a dead, brown house-cricket of between 45 and 55 milligrams fully in their mouths and spit it as far as possible. The spit is only valid if the whole cricket hits the ground. Judges check the missile for the full contingent of six leg ,four wings, one body, a head and two antennae. The world record for spitting a cricket is held by Daniel Capps at 32 feet and one half inch. Now while the Americans are a strange bunch they do not hold the record of the most bizarre spitting competition, that distinction ,I believe, must fall to the South Africans.

The South Africans are great fans of the art of spitting ‘Bokdrolle’. What this translates to is people putting a ball of Kudu dung - the balls are tiny I admit - into their mouths and seeing who can spit it the furthest. Now these are people who under normal circumstances would shudder at the thought of touching a piece of animal pooh, let alone put it in their mouths. But tell them that it is in the quest to see who can spit said piece of pooh the furthest, then all inhibitions are lost and pooh is spat about with abandon. There are hardly any rules for the spitting of pooh but it is commonly understood that a certain amount of very strong liquor should be consumed before, during and after the event.

From this all this information I concluded that humans are hardwired to spit and started surfing the bonobo monkey - as we share 98% of our DNA with this primate- to see how far back in our evolution this tendency manifests itself. My research showed positive results; the bonobo are great fans of spitting on hands and sharing spit i.e. kissing- now that is some spit that nobody goes eww at- and we do seem to share far more behavioural traits with bonobos than just spitting . These are monkeys that also enjoy sex ,a lot, all the time .Both the hetro- and homosexual variety. But that is another story.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

You just don't listen

All my life I have had men nailing down my ‘problem’ with the words ; ‘You know what your problem is? You just don’t listen’. My family, friends, lovers and husband and all said the same. So of course when everybody is telling you the same thing you must assume that there is some truth in it.

I decided some self improvement was needed and took action. I would really make an effort to listen to the men in my life. I bit my tongue and opened my mind to the possibilities. Often I got very bored and struggled to remain awake but I really did try to listen. And then, when the men finally took a moment to catch their breath, I took the opportunity to make my reply; only to be shot down with the same old complaint ‘You haven’t been listening to me!’

At the end of last year when once again standing accused of not listening I decided instead of action I would think deeply about my problem of not listening. What was I doing wrong? I had read the self-help books on listening. I was looking the man of words in the eye, giving my undivided attention and allowing him endless time to get to his point – when is the conversation no longer a conversation but a monologue – before I started composing an answer. Despite all this I still stood accused of not listening.

Finally after another sleepless night tossing and turning over this seemingly unsolvable mystery I hit on the answer.

It is not that I don’t listen to the men in my life, it is that I don’t often agree with them that offends them so. How can I possible have been listening to their great wisdom and not agree? It can only mean one thing; you just haven’t been listening.